‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ Season Finale: TV Recap

On Wednesday night, a new addition to TLC’s favorite family sparked a trenchant debate about teenage pregnancy, absent fathers and the perpetuation of a cycle of downward mobility within the lower reaches of the American socioeconomic ladder.

Ach, who am I kidding? “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” ended its first season with eldest daughter Anna, a k a “Chickadee” giving birth to Baby Kaitlyn—who has 50% more thumbs than most of us. For everyone who has said over the years that TLC is the basic-cable answer to the freak show at Coney Island (and I’m one of them), this really brings things full circle.

Now, I don’t know much about delivering babies, but TLC certainly does, having spawned “A Baby Story,” “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” and “My Teen Is Pregnant and So Am I.” And now, “My Daughter Has Three Thumbs.”

But before Kaitlyn hitched her way into the episode, Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson and the rest of her family gather for a family portrait. It’s 101 degrees outside, and while it’s hot as hell, there are no pitchforks in sight, so even though the scene is uniquely “American” and certainly “Gothic,” it’s no “American Gothic.” Mama gussies up a bit by putting “a little paint on the barn,” dad Sugar Bear, who one reviewer called “bewildered” but who I see as just plain copacetic, “just went kind of casual,” as he isn’t “the dress-up type, unless it’s a funeral.” HBB, for her part, isn’t happy in the heat and when her makeup smudges, we sort of see the answer to “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?”

The photographer can’t conceal her disgust when Mama belches (yet again) during the session, and I just wonder if Mama—who first speaks of beauty coming from within and then says “I’m sweatin’ like a whore in church. Man, I’m takin’ a bath in my own sweat.”–just misunderstood the instruction to “Say Cheese.”

A quick segue to HBB preparing for a pageant—and swatting gnats—falls quickly by the wayside when Anna/Chickadee goes into labor. Mama tries to make it a learning moment (I’m told that’s what the L in TLC stands for), asking her if it’s a good idea to get pregnant at 17 (a couple of years older than she was when she had Anna). Anna’s not having any of it and says, “You do what you want to do.” Kaitlyn arrives, to everyone’s excitement but especially HBB’s who exclaims “It’s gonna smell like sunshine and happiness…or poop.”

Here’s where TLC once again pulls the tried and true trick of showing viewers just enough humanity so it can justify the finger-pointing and snickering. Sugar Bear gets choked up over his granddaughter, but then says her extra thumb “reminds me of a Swiss Army Knife.” Mama says that “everybody’s born with something extra,” then expresses relief because “at least she don’t have a cone head like most natural-born babies.” She then calls the family in and tells the proud new mom to “show ’em the thumbs.” In a rare star turn, Aunt Chubbs implores Kaitlyn to “gimme a high six.”

HBB makes no attempt to conceal her affection, first letting us know that “I’m so excited I’m about to piss all over myself, then telling the baby how much she loves her and then yelling: “Baby Kaitlyn is so tiny… I POOP BIGGER!”

With the baby safely incorporated into the pack, attention turns back to HBB’s next pageant, just a few days away. Sugar Bear’s younger, gay brother Lee, known as “Uncle Poodle,” shows up to help HBB find her inner sass. And again TLC surprises us just a bit, as HBB says, “Ain’t nuthin’ wrong with being a little gay. Everybody’s a little gay.” Mama concurs, then sneezes a whole bunch more and complains about the gnats again.

After a break for a grass fight, the family repairs to the Sparkle and Shine pageant, where HBB struts her stuff, and even though she “rocked it in beauty and swimwear,” only takes second runner-up. But then she’s announced as the People’s Choice award, which seems appropriate given that back in the day, the People’s Choice Awards made the Golden Globes look like the Oscars.

HBB’s family surprises her with a brief reuniting with Glitzy, her pet pig, and then it’s time for the season-ending bromides. It’s fitting that the finale occurred on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. Rest assured, this family has nothing to atone for, or certainly doesn’t believe it does.

As the cameras fade, HBB declares, “My family is the best!” and Mama, sounding more Dada, ends it with “Peace. It is what is.”

What did you think? Leave your thoughts in the comments.